Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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