In the future we'll all be gay
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
