Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
