I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
