My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
