escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
