I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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