Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
