Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
