He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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