i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
