I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
