I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm just crazy horny about you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
