I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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