I feel like I'm in dance class right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
