I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize