Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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