i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
