i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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