apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
