umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
