My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
