I'm going to rape someone's good day.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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