come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
