Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
