Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
