I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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