and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
