this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
