i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
