i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
