Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
