we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
