My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
