why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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