You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
