i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
