You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
