jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
