i just google imaged poop.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
