she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
