i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize