theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
