We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
