i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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