We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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