Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
