Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
