no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize