And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will pee on everything he values.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
