I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
