is your mom at the bar?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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