hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
