So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize