Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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