nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
