He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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