Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
