it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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