One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
