dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize