I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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