I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
