Are we in a gay sports bar?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize