Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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