I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
