my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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