who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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