i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
