I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have post one night stand depression
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