Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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