There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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