my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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