Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
