my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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