my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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