Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
