haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
