this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
